Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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