She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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