If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize