I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
