he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
