Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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