I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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