I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
