I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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