this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
