My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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