Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
its liver damage thursday
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