he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's blow job season.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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