how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
