i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
