Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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