So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
