Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
