so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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