i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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