I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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