Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
