Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
