i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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