I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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