Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
