She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
