she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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