I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
