I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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