At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
