bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
