I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
