WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
