You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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