im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
