you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
