I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
