my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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