Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
