all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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