its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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