i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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