ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
