To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
