when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize