Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
