sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
