So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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