just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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