there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
