i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
