No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
