Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
