so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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