A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
