I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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