apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
