i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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