I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
