Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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