tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
