Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize