Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
