Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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