So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
