Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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