Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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