i just had sex bonerless
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
