I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize