I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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