A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
