You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
