One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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