I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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