She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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